Hope this blog finds you well.
The other day, an account I follow on Instagram posted a pic - it was a black screen, and along the bottom where the words;
this time,
last year,
everything was so different...
It hit me like a punch to the stomach.
Can you imagine, this time last year my cousin still had 2 daughters?
That by the end of the week, their 16 year old daughter Alison would be dead?
A lot can happen in a year.
Although I'm in another city, I too have been rebuilding my life since that horrible phone call.
Friends have come and gone, and I'm much more selective about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. Sometimes I wonder if I've become too selective? If, in my grief-stricken haze, I've confused my disappointment in loved ones with my anger at losing my cousin?
Regardless, the walls I've built around myself are starting to crumble, and if I'm not careful - I'll end up falling down with them. After all, "no man is an island" as that saying goes. And God knows I'm not perfect either (I mean, I AM - I just think posting that would be arrogant, ha.)
Man.
Remember what 16 was like?
The friends, the boys, the girls, the laughs and oh the tears...
Whenever I feel the heaviness of adulthood, with all it's heartache, frustrations, sleepless nights, bill payments, and bullshit - I think of Alison.
I think about making an impact in my own life because hers was cut so short, and about how her spirit affected so many. Not only did she save lives by donating her organs - thanks to the hard work of her older sister Jaclyn, she's helped raised thousands to find a cure for the disease that killed her. (https://www.facebook.com/AlisonsArmy)
It really is amazing how the death of a young person forces us to reflect.
Look at Trayvon Martin's passing.
All of a sudden, an ugly mirror is being held up and whether we like it or not we can't ignore it.
Like my friend and I said the other day, "That child did not die in vain..."
Watching his parents behave with such strength and class, (when they'd have a perfect excuse not to) gives us the courage to say, "If they can function with such poise, I can too."
Aspirational indeed.
Lately I've been having a tough time.
I've been creatively stifled, financially strapped and I stopped going to church.
Despite all this, I've been working out a lot more and researching my next business venture.
There's something so debilitating about being in that "in between" phase isn't it?
It's like waiting for vegetation to sprout from the soil.
Like my darling friend Cass said last night, "I love you Laur - you'll get to the next part..."
She's right.
I'll get there because I have to.
I'll get there because I have the opportunity.
And that has to count for something.
Time,
Time,
Time,
See what's become of me
While I looked around for my possibilities
I was so hard to please
Look around,
Leaves are brown
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter
Hear the Salvation Army band
Down by the riverside,
There's bound to be a better ride
Than what you've got planned
Carry a gun in your hand.
Look around,
Leaves are brown,
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter.
Hang on to your hopes my friend,
That's an easy thing to say,
But if your hopes should pass away,
Simply pretend - that you can build them again
Look around,
Grass is high,
Fields are ripe
IT'S THE SPRINGTIME OF MY LIFE
Seasons change with the scenery,
Weaving time in a tapestry,
Won't you stop and remember me?
~ The Bangles
(Paul Simon)
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