Will you EVER forgive me for taking an entire month to write?
My apologies.
First off, I want to thank you for making my last post "Sexes & the City" my most-read blog to date.
I also want to thank Rebecca Traister of Marie Claire for the shout-out on twitter.
Read it here:
http://blackcatbaby-imjustsayin.blogspot.com/2012/06/sexes-city.html
I started writing this blog from sunny California at an outdoor cafe...
Jealous?
(While I'm sipping $3 Sangria)
Jealous now??
I had been on a working vacation (is there any other kind when you live in NY and work in entertainment?) and you would NOT believe the exhaustion.
Not jet-lag, exhaustion!
The type of sleepiness you don't let yourself feel in a city like Manhattan.
It's one thing to tell yourself you need a break - it's quite another to experience it.
(and those of you know me well, you know I'm NEVER tired and always want to keep the party going.)
I'm in a state of flux these days...
Like, the energy's low but the standards are rising.
I went through this in June 2010.
I could sense there was a feeling of "expansion" waiting to happen.
I wanted to to move on to bigger and better things - but wasn't quite sure how.
In the end, I moved to the biggest room in the apartment, and thanks to a friend leaving town got a huge (luxurious! comfortable!) bed to go with it.
Around this time, my friend S and I challenged each other to put together a 'vision board' outlining where we'd like to to be in 10 years. I looked through magazines and just pulled images that moved me. To my surprise, it was filled with images of Los Angeles. In fact, the board was SO west coast looking, I stuck on a picture of the empire state building!
The thing about spiritual growth spurts is that, we are forced to look at ALL aspects of our life, whether we like it or not. I came into 2012 with promises to have have more fun and while there have been lots of laughs, and too many hangovers...I think I need to be more honest with myself on what "fun" really is.
Is fun drinking and dancing with a guy that doesn't really give a damn about you?
That lies about having a girlfriend? (Or wanting one?!)
I LOVE to tell myself that I'm this strong independent woman - but when an a girl I barely knew recently asked me "So who's your boyfriend this week?" I felt a sense of shame.
If I don't like being treated like an accessory to these guys, then maybe I need to check myself.
Compromising my feelings and my expectations are now a thing of the past.
Suddenly, I see clearly.
And to the hater that's reading this, I won't be compromising my self-expression either.
I'll write what I feel - and if you think it's about you, that's your problem.
And your loss.
I'm Black Cat F*ckin Baby.
Get familiar.
(That one was for you T.O!)
Cuz honey, I'm not going anywhere.
Or am I?
To be continued...
And when you're out there,
Without care
Yeah I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly
And I hope that you are having the time of your life.
But think twice.
That's my only advice.
~ Gnarles Barkley
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