Native New Yorker

On September 11 2001, I was staying with my friend Jodi, in Brooklyn.

While I have put most of that day, and weeks that followed out of my mind (I have an excellent memory so I choose to forget) I do remember the chaos, the phones not working and speaking to family and friends around the world through MSN messenger.

There were no facebook status updates to reassure loved ones back then.
(Funny how we take that for granted now.)
I remember that I had trained as a bartender at the Marriott Hotel the week prior, in a building that came down with the towers.  (Jo was supposed to work there that day.)

With fashion week happening and a Michael Jackson special being filmed for CBS, it seemed as though EVERYBODY was in town.  (In fact, I had spent the evening of September 10 riding around in a limo with a guy claiming to be MJ's cousin!)  I came crawling home at 4-5am and just a few hours later, my cell phone (still working at the time) began ringing off the hook. 

My phone was plugged in in the living room, and I'll never forget when I stumbled out to get it, I caught a glimpse through the window and thought "What a beautiful day."
God.
I will never forget that clear dark blue sky. 
Ever.

I remember not going anywhere for days...we had food, wine, and a TV that was barely working.
My mom called and said she put money into my account so that I could book a ticket home the minute the airports were running again.
Absolutely not.

Like Jodi (originally from Pittsburgh) said, "Our parents don't think we should be here anyway, so of course they want us to leave now!  And besides, where are Native New Yorkers going to move to??"
She was right. 
They weren't leaving, and neither were we.

I don't know what brings about this New York hard-headedness.
We dig our heels in knowing it's more expensive than anywhere else, and don't get me started on the rats and roaches. 
Like my friend Kory said, "We've lived everywhere else, those places suck, and so do those people."
I died laughing.

While I have a hard time accepting that New York is becoming increasingly for the rich only, and that the artists who once flocked here will have to go somewhere more affordable (Detroit?) I will say this:
I've never been anywhere else that gives you the feeling of "anything is possible."
And it IS.

Success has just as much to do with geography as it does with hard work and connections.
That's the secret that nobody tells you.
And while I'm certainly no millionaire, struggling has never stopped me from dreaming bigger.
In fact, it's only made me work harder.

As any New Yorker will tell you; you have to have the balls to make that move in the first place - and God help you once you decide "This is where I'm staying, no matter HOW many times I'm knocked down."
I don't think I know anyone creative that hasn't expressed their art in some capacity here.

Like my bff Drew and I explained to his mom:
"Everything is easy in New York.  Except Life itself."
I believe it was fashion icon Oscar De La Renta said that, everyone who moves here, "Becomes a New Yorker eventually..."

I'd like to dedicate this blog to the "Native" New Yorkers.
The Lovers.  The Fighters.  The Dreamers.
And especially to those who lost somebody on September 11, 2001.
We're in this together.

Runnin' pretty, New York City Girl,
twenty five, thirty five 

Hello baby, New York City Girl

You grew up riding the subways, running with people

Up in Harlem, down on Broadway 

You're no tramp but you're no lady

Talkin' that street talk,

You're the heart and soul of New York City

 

And love, love is just a passing word

It's the thought you had, in a taxi cab

That got left on the curb...

When he dropped you off, at east 83rd...

 

Oh oh oh

(Oh oh oh)

You're a Native New Yorker...

~ Odyssey

Now or Never

Hi Dolls,

I know it's been over a week since I last wrote.
I enjoyed a 2 day Thanksgiving respite with some of my favorite people... doing nothing never felt so good.     
Now I know why they say in order to work, (or create) you need to "play."

Speaking of work, I have some news.
2 years after of shooting our TV pilot "My Friends Think I'm Funny" we have decided to bring the show to the World Wide Web. 
Thank God for modern technology.

Sure the show was well-received by the networks, but a good idea is a good idea - and when there's a will, there's a way. 
A TV show on the web?
That must be so easy, right?

Fat bloody chance.
I spend more time online than I do in front of the telly (who doesn't these days?) simply because it's more entertaining. 
This is the world we live in now.

Thanks to Walter Latham, Issa Rae, Larry King (by way of Ora TV,) and a whole HEAP of others -people are flocking to the net.
They tune in weekly (or nightly/monthly) for their favorite shows like it's "Seinfeld" "Friends" or "Cosby."

Don't get me wrong, as a writer and producer I thought "well if we put it online it'll be cheap and easy!"  Then I actually sat through "The mis-adventures of an Awkward Black Girl," "Laps," "Black Friday" and "Shadazzle." (No not the cleaning product! A fantastic web-series from the UK)

I recently read that Shadazzle was TWO years in the making - how could I compete with that?
But then I realized that's in the UK...in NYC time that translates into about 6 weeks. 
And technically, our show's been kicking around for that long too. 
But man, the competition is strong.

Not the competition, the STANDARD. 

Perhaps Walter and Issa can take a long vacation (or retire completley) so that the rest of us can catch up?  I'm kidding.  The blog Mr. Latham asked me to write a few months back is on one of my most-read posts to date.  It can be seen here http://blackcatbaby-imjustsayin.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-king-and-i.html and he was kind enough to put me on his channel as well.

Anyway.
As a believer that there's "enough for everybody," I look forward to working along-side some very talented and funny people.  They continue to inspire me as a writer, producer and for "My Friends Think I'm Funny," an actor.

 Here's a link to the trailer...wish me luck !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFzHIv_Lt1A

Until next week....

Never say you can't do it till you try it first.

~ Jadakiss 

A Place of Yes

It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret 

~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee

Sup,

I am currently reading "A Place of Yes - 10 Rules for getting everything you want out of life" by Bethenny Frankel.  I already knew who Bethenny was but had never watched any of her shows. (Surprising since I watch other cities from the "Real Housewives" franchise, I just never got around to New York - and I live here!)

About a year ago, my friend Matt (aka Dr. Feelgood) told me that Bethenny was the biggest "winner" of all the reality TV stars with the her Skinny Girl Cocktails.  REALLY?  How could I have missed this?  (That's the thing about being a New Yorker - the Pope could be standing in front of you and you'd be too busy texting or hailing a cab to notice.)

I came across her show "Bethenny Ever After" earlier this year by accident, and could not look away.

I totally see why she got her own spin-off series, she's hilarious.  You can tell that she's being herself - even if it is hammed up for TV.  (Say what you want about the Kardashians, they're playing themselves so well that you can't help but watch.  Of course, famous husbands/boyfriends/step-dads don't hurt either)

On her new talk show, Bethenny featured a guest who changed her life thanks to "A Place of Yes" so I thought I'd give it a shot too.

My sister and I were going to read the book together.  But conflicting schedules and different cities make it difficult to talk as much.  And if I've learned one thing from the school-of-hard-knocks - it's never wait on somebody else when YOU are ready to move forward with your life.  (Or in my case, always impatient to move forward!)

I included the quote at the top of this post because I always felt that not preparing better was my main regret in life.  But can you really plan when you are creating a life in "unknown" territory?  When my parents decided to leave Cape Town and relocate us to Toronto - they never thought that one day apartheid would end.  All they knew was that there are better opportunities for us and our family NOW, so they hit the road praying that it would all work out.

And it did.

I studied acting and film production in school - if that's not a career path of unpredictability, I don't know what is.  It's not like I studied law with dreams of becoming a politician or a judge.  (God I could never stay in school that long!)  All I REALLY wanted to do was become a grown up and work.  (I mean, I'm sure when my parents immigrated they had hoped for a lawyer in the family, but at the very least, they set us up so that we could decide for ourselves.) 

Which brings me back to Bethheny. 

While I'm still in the beginning stages of the book (chapter # 3 "Act on it") I've decided to cut myself some slack for not having everything so "mapped out" and prepared in my life.  I am where I am today because when things fell apart, I kept moving forward. 
Because I had to.

There is something to be said for being a risk taker and going it alone.  I have always admired people like that, and so I became one.  (Of course, anyone that "makes it" in life never REALLY did it alone.
I've had bosses that gave me a shot and multiple loans from my parents to be thankful for.)  Like my cousin Hamilton said to me when I left Toronto for New York, "All you're doing is exactly what our parents did.  You moved somewhere for a better opportunity."

He's right.

If I hadn't struggled early, I wouldn't have had the courage to risk struggling again for a more fulfilling present and future.  I may not be sitting on a pile of cash (yet) but I have 3 projects on the go and have a friend designing my logo for blackcatbaby.com (thanks Jill!) launching next year.

While I still cry all the time for my cousin Alison who died too soon, I am using my creative endeavours to honor her memory. 
Because I want to. 

Until next week...

And when my life is over

Remember we were together

We were alone and I was singing this song for you

~ Donny Hathaway/Amy Winehouse



  



  



 

Blue Moon & the Endless Summer (Part 1)

For Cass, Shmi, C & Drew. 

It all started last month when Cass came to visit.

There is something about seeing friends that know you from another life...
By that I mean, people that knew me before I became a Certified New Yorker.
Friends you can put in the "I've-known-them-for-decades" category.
(I know what you're thinking - but she looks so YOUNG!)

After 5 heavy weeks of grief and isolation, here was a longtime friend from home gently pulling me out, whether she knew it or not.  When I tearfully told her about friends who had abandoned me after Alison's death, she told me about the past year living abroad with her daughters, where they had NOBODY. "I had to be strong and stay focused." She said, "Sure my feelings we hurt.  I thought they were my real friends."

I cannot tell you how much that story affected me.
I mean, of course still I'm sensitive and emotional.  I lost 2 family members this summer.
Sadness is one thing, but grief mixed with anger and resentment is cocktail that eventually leaves a bad aftertaste.
And if Cass could use her pain to propel her forward, so could I.

Next stop: Boston and Maine.
Boston may be considered a "sleepy" town, but honey, I got none while I was there!
When Shmi and Shmore (her nickname for me) are reunited, there's champagne, wine, and PLENTY of male attention.

We had a blast.
What's funny is that Shmi and I each remember different parts of the night so it's good that we're able to keep the memories alive!
We then packed our things (and our hangovers) and headed to Scarborough Maine, where Shmi's kids and sister C were waiting.

Magical.

The beach, the cozy house we stayed in, (above C's husband's restaurant) the smiles on the kids faces when we went to the fair.
THE PIZZA.
(Not to mention the many many bottles of wine put into recycling each morning)

It was so nice to just be.

Isn't it always easiest to do that with people who've known you forever?
While browsing through a gift shop I came across a bottle of wine called "The Beach House," I smiled as it was so fitting for where I was at the time.
I looked at the label.  South African.

I decided to extend my stay.

Hurricane Irene may have robbed C and I of our visit last summer but we made sure it wasn't ruined this time.  It was my first time seeing her since her father's death a year ago.
She was very understanding at my display of emotion when talking about the injustice of losing a cousin so young.
"Let it out," she said "It's good for you, it's grief."

The tears are still there to this day.
But I can't take away what time with "friends from home" did for me as I closed out a summer that changed my family forever.
It gave me a sense of peace that is hard to explain.

The added bonus to prolonging my trip?
I got to head back to Boston to meet up with Drew's crew, the blue moon, and the hot guy with the motorcycle...

To be continued...

Blue Moon 

You knew just what I was there for

You heard me saying a prayer for

Someone I really could care for

~ Billie Holiday  

(and many others)

  

The King and I

There comes a time in your life when you take a leap of faith and just jump.  Sometimes it happens because the next step is obvious; you graduate because school is finished.  Most of the time though, we jump simply because we have to.  Unaware of what the future holds, we surge ahead and pray like hell.

In fact, I've "started over" so often, that I'm almost embarrassed by how long I lamented on my decision was to come back to New York.  For better or worse, trusting my gut has become second nature.  I've walked away from jobs (when I needed the money) and relationships all on the instinct that I simply deserved better.

The economy has also forced many of us to start over - whether we or wanted to or not.
This is after all, this is the second recession in my lifetime (does that make me generation X or Y?  I never know.  Mom?) so resourcefulness is a must.  It is times like these that we choose to be a leader or a victim.

The best part of uncertainty?  If all else fails, we can create something.

Which bring me to my subject of today's blog: The "King" of Comedy, Walter Latham.
Never heard of him?
Well, chances are you've heard of some people whose careers he helped launch: Chris Tucker, Bernie Mac, Steve Harvey D.L. Hughley, Tyler Perry, Cedric the Entertainer and the list goes on...

A brief history; In 1997 Mr. Latham launched the "Kings of Comedy" tour featuring Bernie Mac Steve Harvey, Cedric the Entertainer and later adding D.L. Hughley.  It was a massive success.  So much so, that it went on to become a movie directed by Spike Lee and produced by MTV films.  That was only the beginning...he went on to produce more shows "The Queens of comedy" starring Mo'Nique and the "Latin Kings of comedy" with Paul Rodriguez.

Seriously, the guy doesn't stop.

Not surprisingly, Mr. Latham originates from Brooklyn New York...and like the city itself he rarely sleeps.
Whenever I ask him how he's doing, his response is always the same; " Tired.  How are you?"
Did I mention he's also a loving father and handsome?
(I know)
But wait, there's more!

Always the innovator, he is now the proud owner of his own YouTube channel. (youtube.com/walterlatham)
Launched earlier this year, when asked what his "realistic ambition" was for the channel, he responded "...in 30 years from now, we will be looked at as the better version of BET - but on the internet."
Snap.

As brazen as that sounds - he may be on to something.

Having grown up in Canada, it was BET that introduced me to many of the comics seen on Latham's channel now, like Michael Blackson.  Blackson has a weekly show called "Black Fridays" on the site and he is hysterical.  The guy is fearless.  There's another show called "Comedy After Dark" featuring up and coming comics, taped at strip club and hosted by Jenna Jameson!

A spokesperson at YouTube had this to say:  "YouTube has long been a place where people come for a laugh, and with new, and original programming from established personalities like Walter Latham, people can find even more content they enjoy, and creators can gain a fast loyal audience in return."

My favorite thing about the channel?
The fact that Latham is responsible for what he puts online and takes his influence on the younger generation seriously.  Every Sunday, he posts a video from his "Relentless" series.  He asks friends and colleagues to speak about their life experiences "to give back to our community if only in this small way."

My video for the series went up last week, and can be seen at the bottom of this post.
Mr. Latham asked me to record at a time when I NEVER would have considered going on camera.  Our family had just suffered the tragic loss of my cousin Alison, and a few weeks after that, my aunt passed away.  I had every intention of saying no, or at least postponing until I felt "better."

But I thought of Alison (only 16 when she died) and her devastated friends who might need some guidance, and I hope I was able to provide something that could help.
If I can say anything to you guys reading this now, it's just to keep going.

Walter, thank you for reaching out to me.
Best of luck with everything.
www.youtube.com/walterlatham

Below is the link to my video, enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvurasmW6Kc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I move onward, the only direction

~ Jay Z

Temporary Insanity?

Dah-lings,

Will you EVER forgive me for taking an entire month to write?
My apologies.

First off, I want to thank you for making my last post "Sexes & the City" my most-read blog to date.
I also want to thank Rebecca Traister of Marie Claire for the shout-out on twitter.
Read it here:

http://blackcatbaby-imjustsayin.blogspot.com/2012/06/sexes-city.html

I started writing this blog from sunny California at an outdoor cafe...
Jealous?
(While I'm sipping $3 Sangria)
Jealous now??

I had been on a working vacation (is there any other kind when you live in NY and work in entertainment?) and you would NOT believe the exhaustion.  
Not jet-lag, exhaustion!
The type of sleepiness you don't let yourself feel in a city like Manhattan.

It's one thing to tell yourself you need a break - it's quite another to experience it.
(and those of you know me well, you know I'm NEVER tired and always want to keep the party going.)
I'm in a state of flux these days...
Like, the energy's low but the standards are rising.

I went through this in June 2010.

I could sense there was a feeling of "expansion" waiting to happen.
I wanted to to move on to bigger and better things - but wasn't quite sure how.
In the end, I moved to the biggest room in the apartment, and thanks to a friend leaving town got a huge (luxurious! comfortable!) bed to go with it.

Around this time, my friend S and I challenged each other to put together a 'vision board' outlining where we'd like to to be in 10 years.  I looked through magazines and just pulled images that moved me.  To my surprise, it was filled with images of  Los Angeles.  In fact, the board was SO west coast looking, I stuck on a picture of the empire state building!




The thing about spiritual growth spurts is that, we are forced to look at ALL aspects of our life, whether we like it or not.  I came into 2012 with promises to have have more fun and while there have been lots of laughs, and too many hangovers...I think I need to be more honest with myself on what "fun" really is.

Is fun drinking and dancing with a guy that doesn't really give a damn about you?
That lies about having a girlfriend?  (Or wanting one?!)
I LOVE to tell myself that I'm this strong independent woman - but when an a girl I barely knew recently asked me "So who's your boyfriend this week?"  I felt a sense of shame.

If I don't like being treated like an accessory to these guys, then maybe I need to check myself.
Compromising my feelings and my expectations are now a thing of the past.
Suddenly, I see clearly.

And to the hater that's reading this, I won't be compromising my self-expression either.
I'll write what I feel - and if you think it's about you, that's your problem.
And your loss.

I'm Black Cat F*ckin Baby.
Get familiar.
(That one was for you T.O!)

Cuz honey, I'm not going anywhere.
Or am I?

To be continued...

And when you're out there, 

Without care

Yeah I was out of touch

But it wasn't because I didn't know enough 

I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?

Does that make me crazy?

Does that make me crazy?

Possibly

And I hope that you are having the time of your life.

But think twice.

That's my only advice.

~ Gnarles Barkley

Broken Telephone.

Darlings.

Well it's rainy, I'm miserable, and I have a happy couple making out in front of me, yippee!
The good news: there's coffee, biscotti, and God has decided to bless me with weather to match my mood.
Phew.

But I digress....

Don't you just HATE it when you're sitting by the phone waiting for a guy to call or text?
It's the absolute worst.
WORST.
A professional athlete at that.
Honestly, what was I thinking??

Lord knows I've been down this road before.
For SOME reason - be it basketball, baseball and (especially lately) football...athletes love the black cat...and I can shamefully say, I love them right back.
(Well, I least I switch the sports up - actress Alyssa Milano was apparently a serial dater of major league pitchers)

Whether I want to admit to myself or not, a certain wide receiver has caught my attention.
I sulked miserably when I hadn't heard from him.
(Turns out, he had been hospitalized - no joke!)
And of course, he eventually did call.

Always ready to turn a negative to a positive, I reached out to people I hadn't talked to in ages.
Friends, family, my sister.
You know, the essentials.
It "levels" me out so-to-speak...
(Like longing for my loved ones replaces the vulnerability that comes with meeting someone new, if that's possible.)

Oh how I'd missed them.  Still do.

Look who knows what's going to happen with me and (ahem) "Mr. Player," but as my best friend reminded me - "isn't it nice to know you can still feel like that for someone?"  I had to agree.
I'm not wasting my time on dates that go nowhere anymore.
My time is too valuable.

I'd much rather be available for the people I love the most.
Including me.

Until next week...

Well sometimes I go out by myself

And I look across the water

And I think of all the things, what you're doing

And  in my head I paint a picture

~ Amy Winehouse

Is that all there is?

Hi Lovelies,

Well it's a gorgeous day and I'm a little grouchy.
(Do people still say grouchy?  I'm bringing it back)
Forgive me, St Patrick's Day has come and gone and I'm left with a green manicure and slight hangover.

Where was I?

I've been thinking a lot about chemistry and physical attraction.
Remember that Sex & the City episode "I Love a Charade," when the girls go to the Hamptons for Bobby and Bitsy's wedding? 
Bobby was clearly a gay man, and Bitsy was far too old not to know the truth.
Throughout the ceremony jokes were cracked, as everyone scratched their heads wondering "WHY?!"

Just how important is sexual chemistry?
(For me - on a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say it's about 49.)
What do you do when you meet someone who's all the right things, but there's no "spark?"
Is it worth exploring?

My roommate B advised "Well, go with your gut..." to which I quickly responded, "My gut has made mistakes!"
God knows there are PLENTY of sparks out there with no substance or no family values - but they sure come with a whole lotta fun.
Perhaps I've been spoiled.

Or maybe the problem isn't that don't know what I want - it's that I DO.
Because one thing I discovered while I was in Miami, I really enjoy being single.
Am I avoiding intimacy?
Or am I just embracing my true feelings?

I mean, I haven't sold myself short thus far, why start now?
Carrie said it best at the end of the "Charade" episode:
"Some people are settling down, some people are settling...and some people refuse to settle, for anything less than butterflies..."

And don't worry darlings, it's not like I've given up on true love or anything...but for now, let's enjoy the springtime, shall we?

Until next week...

Is that all there is?

Is that all there is?

If that's all there is my friends, than let's keep dancing

Let's break the out booze and have a ball

If that's all, there is

~ Peggy Lee 

Street Life.

"I still hang around neither lost nor found
Hear the lonely sound of music in the night
Nights are always bright
That's all that's left for me, yeah"

The above lyrics by song writer Joe Sample (of The Crusaders) were inspired while being on a beginner's ski slope at Mammoth Mountain, California. 
He said:
 "I saw people falling, running into each other... it was absolute chaos. It looked like a boulevard of madness. And I said, That's what 'Street Life' is."

Well Darlings,

I gotta tell you - writing while you're preparing for vacation (or better yet, while you're ON vacation) is much easier than doing it when you come back.
The birthday "high" is beginning to fade.
Thankfully I have daylight savings and spring-time temps keep my spirits up.

I was overwhelmed by the amount of well-wishes I received last week from friends and family.
I got one message from my cousin who was so sweet and encouraging but I found myself slightly defensive.
She said she'd heard I was "living the life" and exclaimed "that's the way life should be."

I play the Street Life because there's no place I can go
Street Life, it's the only Life I know

I just remember thinking "God if you only knew!"
It's easy to feel like life's a beach when you're ON the beach.
It's quite another to be slinging drinks at a bar for 15 hours, just to survive in New York City.
I take that back.
To THRIVE in New York City.

Street Life - and there's a thousand parts to play
Street Life - until you play your Life away

Nobody wants to hear about the tough breaks and the struggles - and nobody sees the tears...God knows there are plenty of them.
I think it was Janet Jackson who said that nobody wants to hear her complaining.
(This is a woman who lived her entire career in her brother's shadow - and then he DIED)

Anyway my point is this.
My cousin is RIGHT.
I am living the life. 
I celebrated my birthday the entire time I was in Miami, then had an EPIC celebration the day after I returned.  (From what I remember anyway)

 You let the people see just who you wanna be
And every night you shine, just like a superstar

Yes of course it's a hustle.
Like Samantha Jones famously said on Sex & the City:
"A homeless man just showed me his DICK on the way here!  It doesn't get any realer than that!"
True indeed.

What's also true is that the struggle makes us stronger. 
We're all in it together so friendship bonds can form quickly.
And they have.
And it's fabulous.

Three months in and 2012 has already kicked 2011's ass.
May the "Champagne Campaign" continue.
Until next week...

That's how the Life is played - a tempting masquerade

You dress, you walk, you talk

You're who you think you are

 ~ The Crusaders