2013.

It's been a while darlings.
Three months to be exact.
A bit longer than that, actually.

I don't really have a reason or excuse for my absence...yes I'd been working a lot - but that has always been the case. 
It's hard to talk (or write) about what you feel when you're unsure of what "it" is.
If anything, I guess I'm a little disenfranchised...
Not with this blog, (or you my lovely reader) but with Life in general.

My last post took place right before Christmas...
I entered 2013 completely and totally exhausted.
Emotionally, physically, psychologically and especially spiritually.
That last part's not easy to admit.
 I mean, Life is generally "easier" if you believe God has a plan for you, isn't it?

In many ways, 2012 was 2 years in one.

The first 7 months were pure ignorant bliss...
I quoted a Jersey Shore cast member by exclaiming "Life is a holiday!"
And it was.
I breezed to Miami for my birthday, schmoozed in Hollywood, dated online, and made this blog a weekly column.

Three weeks into July, all of that changed with the sudden death of our cousin Alison. 
The grief that followed can't even be described here.  And for me it was more than grief, it was isolation as my family lives in another city. 
My year was quite literally ripped in half.

Everything that I knew to be real was gone.

I don't think I mentioned this before, but at the time of Alison's death I had begun seeing someone. 
We had spoken about becoming more serious about a week prior to that horrible news - and when I asked if he could come over, he didn't.
I haven't seen him since.
 
While modern technology has allowed me to express myself in this really cool way, I am going to say something important so please pay attention:
A text message and/or phone call will not save someone who is drowning. You have to JUMP INTO the water and get wet if you want your loved one see another day.

And to those of you who did that for me last year, thank you.
You helped bring me back to Life.

The discussion at my church tonight is about forgiveness.  I won't be going.
I'm not quite there yet.
But I am back.
And I've missed you.

Until next week...

Little Darling

I feel that ice is slowly melting

Little Darling

It seems like years since it's been clear

Here comes the sun

Here comes the sun, and I say

It's all right

~ The Beatles



The Price is Write.

Darlings,

I know I KNOW.
The blog's late, I'm sorry!
This whole week feels "off" actually.

Mercury's moving forward again, the moon's not full and the weather's lovely.
And yet...something's not quite right.
I had meetings scheduled on Monday when I'd usually be writing, and Tuesday I worked when I'd usually be off.

My mind and heart are racing, I've hardly slept a wink in DAYS...and yet I'm surprisingly calm.
(Albeit delirious.)
I have a long awaited reunion with my parents to look forward to and I couldn't be happier.
For the first time, I'll be on vacation for the entire duration of their trip.

Ah, Family.
The joys, the pains, the tears, the frustration and most importantly, the deep inexplicable connection.
Like it or not, they are a part of our fabric.
(How else can you explain loving your niece or nephew before they're even born?)

This "break" from reality could not have come at a better time for me.
It seems as though everyone is in flux.
I am surrounded by people (myself included) who are questioning their value.

Are we being "cheated" by our employers?
Did we price ourselves too low?
And if that's the case - at what point do we speak up and say "I deserve more."
(When dealing with someone that ONLY sees you as "sub par," how do you prove it??)

The problem is this: when you are belittled on a regular basis, whether it be in the form of under payment, indifference, or emotional abuse - it becomes far too easy to confuse their lies with your truth.
Very often it takes a reality check, a sign (or gift!) from God to remind yourself of who you are.

Nothing like a visit from the people who've known (and loved) me the longest to do just that.
Mom, Dad, welcome to New York.

There are places I remember

All my life, though some have changed

Some forever not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends I still can recall

Some are dead some are living

In my life I've loved them all

~ The Beatles