Blue Moon & The Endless Summer (Part 2)

Darlings,

I HAD to split this blog post in 2 because:
a) I would never have finished and b) I would have bored you with a novel instead of a post.

Where was I?

Oh yes, Boston.
Well as fate would have it, Drew's crew (complete with Josh and Dr. Feelgood!) happened upon Boston as the same time as I was there - August 31, the night of the blue moon.
A FANTASTIC time.

My BFF (Drew) and moi

A great dinner courtesy of Chef Gabe who took such good care of our not-so-sober group.
(If you haven't checked out The Paramount in Boston yet, do. http://www.paramountboston.com/)

Our Motley Crew

Another New England bonus came courtesy of the cutie I met earlier in the week.
He was handsome, charming and incredibly young.  Perfect.
He ALSO rode a motorcycle.
He ALSO had a helmet for me.
Well.
I said a prayer and held on for Dear Life.

It was late and the city was quiet.  And empty.
It was us and the full moon along the waterfront.
When I found myself worrying and slipping back into my grief-stricken depression, I literally yelled at myself to STOP and enjoy this moment - I looked up and the moon agreed.

The next day I said goodbye to the crew (who were heading to Province Town) and boarded the bus back to New York.  While I waited in the lineup, the familiar tears started to flow again.
They continued for at least half of the four hour bus ride.

A 16 year old is gone for good.
It's just so unfair.

.............................................................................

I came home to an empty apartment.

(Roommates out of town for the long weekend)

I made some tea and got caught up on episodes True Blood (WACK!) and The Real Housewives of New Jersey (DRAMA!)

As I was sitting there I realized that I was alone - and for the first time in 6 weeks I wasn't afraid.

This intense fear of being alone after Alison passed away was so consuming, I started to worry that I'd need medication.
Fortunately for me, I wasn't in solitude for long.

Next stop: The Jersey Shore.

The thing about being in a fog of grief is that you make plans without even realizing it, and thank God.
Labor Day weekend and it's full moon came and went leaving me melancholy and sad.
The first day of school would be arriving without my cousin, and let's face it, summer 2012 will always be known for this tragedy.

Off we went...
Me, Drew and Don (our newest Crew member) in the rental headed to Debra and Michael's place on the shore.

New Crew on the boat...

I'm very fortunate to have these souls in my life.
They helped rescue me when I couldn't bear the thought of being by myself and my tears.
They made sure I laughed, and enjoyed the final days of my favorite season.

So long Summer, give Alison a kiss for me.

Until next week -xo-

Alone, together, beyond the crowd

Above the world, we're not too proud

To cling together, we're strong

As long as we're together

Alone, together, the blinding rain

The starless night, were not in vain

For we're together, and what is there to fear

Our love is as deep as the sea

Our love is as great as a love can be

And we can weather the great unknown

If we're alone together

~ Ray Charles & Betty Carter (etc.)



Blue Moon & the Endless Summer (Part 1)

For Cass, Shmi, C & Drew. 

It all started last month when Cass came to visit.

There is something about seeing friends that know you from another life...
By that I mean, people that knew me before I became a Certified New Yorker.
Friends you can put in the "I've-known-them-for-decades" category.
(I know what you're thinking - but she looks so YOUNG!)

After 5 heavy weeks of grief and isolation, here was a longtime friend from home gently pulling me out, whether she knew it or not.  When I tearfully told her about friends who had abandoned me after Alison's death, she told me about the past year living abroad with her daughters, where they had NOBODY. "I had to be strong and stay focused." She said, "Sure my feelings we hurt.  I thought they were my real friends."

I cannot tell you how much that story affected me.
I mean, of course still I'm sensitive and emotional.  I lost 2 family members this summer.
Sadness is one thing, but grief mixed with anger and resentment is cocktail that eventually leaves a bad aftertaste.
And if Cass could use her pain to propel her forward, so could I.

Next stop: Boston and Maine.
Boston may be considered a "sleepy" town, but honey, I got none while I was there!
When Shmi and Shmore (her nickname for me) are reunited, there's champagne, wine, and PLENTY of male attention.

We had a blast.
What's funny is that Shmi and I each remember different parts of the night so it's good that we're able to keep the memories alive!
We then packed our things (and our hangovers) and headed to Scarborough Maine, where Shmi's kids and sister C were waiting.

Magical.

The beach, the cozy house we stayed in, (above C's husband's restaurant) the smiles on the kids faces when we went to the fair.
THE PIZZA.
(Not to mention the many many bottles of wine put into recycling each morning)

It was so nice to just be.

Isn't it always easiest to do that with people who've known you forever?
While browsing through a gift shop I came across a bottle of wine called "The Beach House," I smiled as it was so fitting for where I was at the time.
I looked at the label.  South African.

I decided to extend my stay.

Hurricane Irene may have robbed C and I of our visit last summer but we made sure it wasn't ruined this time.  It was my first time seeing her since her father's death a year ago.
She was very understanding at my display of emotion when talking about the injustice of losing a cousin so young.
"Let it out," she said "It's good for you, it's grief."

The tears are still there to this day.
But I can't take away what time with "friends from home" did for me as I closed out a summer that changed my family forever.
It gave me a sense of peace that is hard to explain.

The added bonus to prolonging my trip?
I got to head back to Boston to meet up with Drew's crew, the blue moon, and the hot guy with the motorcycle...

To be continued...

Blue Moon 

You knew just what I was there for

You heard me saying a prayer for

Someone I really could care for

~ Billie Holiday  

(and many others)