Yes. No. Sandy.

Well here we are.
It's almost 3pm and I am sipping my first coffee.
I have a sore throat, and Starbucks is packed as the kids are off school till next week.

All of this is a minuscule price to pay to be alive, well, and unlike most of my friends; HAVE ELECTRICITY.
Hurricane Sandy has come and gone I cannot believe how fortunate I am.
To say that I'm grateful is an understatement.

My cousin crashed with me for a couple of days and we had a blast...
(His building lobby flooded and they too lost their power)
We ate, drank, laughed and rented (what else) "The Perfect Storm."
He later exclaimed "who knew they could predict Sandy 20 years in advance?!"

In mere weeks I'll be losing him for good when he returns to South Africa after 6 years in New York.
I cannot believe how time flies (or that we weathered 2 hurricanes together!)
I'm so sad at the thought.
The value of family only increases the older I get.

After he left yesterday, I walked over 40 blocks to the office so that I can get my work laptop - and lug it back home.
The streets barely looked like it was Halloween, and this is in Manhattan.
Poor kids.
Poor everyone.

After a few hours of work I reopened my book "A Place of Yes" by Bethenny Frankel.
I gotta say, it's nice to read a little inspiration when you're feeling down, stuck, and emotional.
Sometimes all you do is LITERALLY wait out the storm and fight like hell to keep from having a melt down.

As I was just texting my dear friend (named Sandy) "You are on the right path and things WILL get better - this is just where you are right now...and you have a right to be depressed - you're going through a tough time!"
Wallowing has it's place.
We've all been there.

Then there are those times when you re-build, take stock, and count your blessings.
And that's where I'm at.
Chin up darlings.

Until next week,

Life is bare, gloom and misery everywhere

Stormy weather

Just can't get my poor self together

I'm weary all the time.

~ Billie Holiday

Blue Moon & the Endless Summer (Part 1)

For Cass, Shmi, C & Drew. 

It all started last month when Cass came to visit.

There is something about seeing friends that know you from another life...
By that I mean, people that knew me before I became a Certified New Yorker.
Friends you can put in the "I've-known-them-for-decades" category.
(I know what you're thinking - but she looks so YOUNG!)

After 5 heavy weeks of grief and isolation, here was a longtime friend from home gently pulling me out, whether she knew it or not.  When I tearfully told her about friends who had abandoned me after Alison's death, she told me about the past year living abroad with her daughters, where they had NOBODY. "I had to be strong and stay focused." She said, "Sure my feelings we hurt.  I thought they were my real friends."

I cannot tell you how much that story affected me.
I mean, of course still I'm sensitive and emotional.  I lost 2 family members this summer.
Sadness is one thing, but grief mixed with anger and resentment is cocktail that eventually leaves a bad aftertaste.
And if Cass could use her pain to propel her forward, so could I.

Next stop: Boston and Maine.
Boston may be considered a "sleepy" town, but honey, I got none while I was there!
When Shmi and Shmore (her nickname for me) are reunited, there's champagne, wine, and PLENTY of male attention.

We had a blast.
What's funny is that Shmi and I each remember different parts of the night so it's good that we're able to keep the memories alive!
We then packed our things (and our hangovers) and headed to Scarborough Maine, where Shmi's kids and sister C were waiting.

Magical.

The beach, the cozy house we stayed in, (above C's husband's restaurant) the smiles on the kids faces when we went to the fair.
THE PIZZA.
(Not to mention the many many bottles of wine put into recycling each morning)

It was so nice to just be.

Isn't it always easiest to do that with people who've known you forever?
While browsing through a gift shop I came across a bottle of wine called "The Beach House," I smiled as it was so fitting for where I was at the time.
I looked at the label.  South African.

I decided to extend my stay.

Hurricane Irene may have robbed C and I of our visit last summer but we made sure it wasn't ruined this time.  It was my first time seeing her since her father's death a year ago.
She was very understanding at my display of emotion when talking about the injustice of losing a cousin so young.
"Let it out," she said "It's good for you, it's grief."

The tears are still there to this day.
But I can't take away what time with "friends from home" did for me as I closed out a summer that changed my family forever.
It gave me a sense of peace that is hard to explain.

The added bonus to prolonging my trip?
I got to head back to Boston to meet up with Drew's crew, the blue moon, and the hot guy with the motorcycle...

To be continued...

Blue Moon 

You knew just what I was there for

You heard me saying a prayer for

Someone I really could care for

~ Billie Holiday  

(and many others)

  

There Is No Greater Love...

Hi Lovelies,

I don't really have much of a topic today I'm afraid.
My mood matches the cold damp weather, I wasn't even going to write.
But then I thought - am I REALLY going to sit at home and continue crying?

Like American professor of psychology Abraham Maslow once said:
"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to ultimately be at peace with himself." 
So dammit here I am.

Want to know the strangest thing?
I've been crying since my parents left, I could not be more disenfranchised with the opposite sex (again) and yet - I cannot get the song "There is no greater love" out of my head.
(To think, I was declaring "I hate everybody!" shortly before crying myself to sleep last night.)

The 1936 jazz standard has been covered by everyone from Dinah Washington to Amy Winehouse, it's an optimistic look at falling in love...truly, madly deeply. 
I fell asleep with the song in my head - and woke up with it as well.
"You're the sweetest thing, that I've ever known - and to think that you are mine, alone..."

It's just so...romantic.
How could I be so CONSCIOUSLY miserable, with my subconscious dancing to this lovely little number?  

As God would have it, "mixed emotions" was the sermon at church yesterday...
Walking in faith that you're on the right path - when there is no tangible proof, is bloody hard.
We have to dig DEEP into the well and recall a time when things DID go smoothly and our footing was strong.

Well.
My idealistic side (and evil sense of humor) have always gotten me through the rain, this time and this funk will be no different.
I mean, it got me to write today.
Tears and all.

Until next week...

There is no great love than what I feel for you

No greater love, no heart so true

There is no greater thrill, than what you bring to me

No sweeter song, than what you sing to me

~ Don Darcy, Billie Holiday, Dinah Washington etc.,