Blue Moon & The Endless Summer (Part 2)

Darlings,

I HAD to split this blog post in 2 because:
a) I would never have finished and b) I would have bored you with a novel instead of a post.

Where was I?

Oh yes, Boston.
Well as fate would have it, Drew's crew (complete with Josh and Dr. Feelgood!) happened upon Boston as the same time as I was there - August 31, the night of the blue moon.
A FANTASTIC time.

My BFF (Drew) and moi

A great dinner courtesy of Chef Gabe who took such good care of our not-so-sober group.
(If you haven't checked out The Paramount in Boston yet, do. http://www.paramountboston.com/)

Our Motley Crew

Another New England bonus came courtesy of the cutie I met earlier in the week.
He was handsome, charming and incredibly young.  Perfect.
He ALSO rode a motorcycle.
He ALSO had a helmet for me.
Well.
I said a prayer and held on for Dear Life.

It was late and the city was quiet.  And empty.
It was us and the full moon along the waterfront.
When I found myself worrying and slipping back into my grief-stricken depression, I literally yelled at myself to STOP and enjoy this moment - I looked up and the moon agreed.

The next day I said goodbye to the crew (who were heading to Province Town) and boarded the bus back to New York.  While I waited in the lineup, the familiar tears started to flow again.
They continued for at least half of the four hour bus ride.

A 16 year old is gone for good.
It's just so unfair.

.............................................................................

I came home to an empty apartment.

(Roommates out of town for the long weekend)

I made some tea and got caught up on episodes True Blood (WACK!) and The Real Housewives of New Jersey (DRAMA!)

As I was sitting there I realized that I was alone - and for the first time in 6 weeks I wasn't afraid.

This intense fear of being alone after Alison passed away was so consuming, I started to worry that I'd need medication.
Fortunately for me, I wasn't in solitude for long.

Next stop: The Jersey Shore.

The thing about being in a fog of grief is that you make plans without even realizing it, and thank God.
Labor Day weekend and it's full moon came and went leaving me melancholy and sad.
The first day of school would be arriving without my cousin, and let's face it, summer 2012 will always be known for this tragedy.

Off we went...
Me, Drew and Don (our newest Crew member) in the rental headed to Debra and Michael's place on the shore.

New Crew on the boat...

I'm very fortunate to have these souls in my life.
They helped rescue me when I couldn't bear the thought of being by myself and my tears.
They made sure I laughed, and enjoyed the final days of my favorite season.

So long Summer, give Alison a kiss for me.

Until next week -xo-

Alone, together, beyond the crowd

Above the world, we're not too proud

To cling together, we're strong

As long as we're together

Alone, together, the blinding rain

The starless night, were not in vain

For we're together, and what is there to fear

Our love is as deep as the sea

Our love is as great as a love can be

And we can weather the great unknown

If we're alone together

~ Ray Charles & Betty Carter (etc.)



The Silver Standard?

It's funny where Life takes us.
I've been so busy concentrating on the "fun" intentions of 2012, that I've almost missed some of the lessons.
Almost.

Well, the first quarter has now come and gone and I can proudly say that I'm letting myself out of the bubble I've been living in.
I'm not avoiding the news anymore - and yes, I'm taking your phone calls.
I'm ready to return to reality.
(Miami IS just a plane ride away)

There's more.
I'm trading up.

There's something to be said about complaining.
Some people do it just to hear the sound of their own voice, while others do it to join in on the conversation.
Nobody likes being left out after all.

And then, there's the rest of us.
We know that something's wrong, and something must be done to correct it.

So many of us were raised to put others first.
Our parents, our siblings our friends, our lovers.
I'm not talking about the 'Christian way' of showing compassion towards our fellow man either.
I'm talking about the habitual pattern of being second best.

Author Julia Cameron deems it "nonsense" that certain people never made it because of lack of talent.
Most of us never had the ego strength required to hunt for that that gold medal.
We were too busy jumping at the chance to help everybody else.
Like my cousin gently reminded me at dinner one night, "But Lauren, YOU need support too."

Show me a family where one child is raised to be the caretaker - and more often than not, you'll find one of it's members raising hell.
Unapologetically.
That's just the way it goes.

The GOOD news?
Adulthood provides us with choice.
We can change a habit and create a new one.
Not just in our expectations of ourselves - but in the way we allow people to treat us.
It's not too late.

Back to fun next week, I promise.

It's my turn

To start from number one

Trying to undo

Some damage that's been done

But now it's my turn

To reach and touch the sky

No one's gonna say

At least I didn't try

~ Diana Ross

Is that all there is?

Hi Lovelies,

Well it's a gorgeous day and I'm a little grouchy.
(Do people still say grouchy?  I'm bringing it back)
Forgive me, St Patrick's Day has come and gone and I'm left with a green manicure and slight hangover.

Where was I?

I've been thinking a lot about chemistry and physical attraction.
Remember that Sex & the City episode "I Love a Charade," when the girls go to the Hamptons for Bobby and Bitsy's wedding? 
Bobby was clearly a gay man, and Bitsy was far too old not to know the truth.
Throughout the ceremony jokes were cracked, as everyone scratched their heads wondering "WHY?!"

Just how important is sexual chemistry?
(For me - on a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say it's about 49.)
What do you do when you meet someone who's all the right things, but there's no "spark?"
Is it worth exploring?

My roommate B advised "Well, go with your gut..." to which I quickly responded, "My gut has made mistakes!"
God knows there are PLENTY of sparks out there with no substance or no family values - but they sure come with a whole lotta fun.
Perhaps I've been spoiled.

Or maybe the problem isn't that don't know what I want - it's that I DO.
Because one thing I discovered while I was in Miami, I really enjoy being single.
Am I avoiding intimacy?
Or am I just embracing my true feelings?

I mean, I haven't sold myself short thus far, why start now?
Carrie said it best at the end of the "Charade" episode:
"Some people are settling down, some people are settling...and some people refuse to settle, for anything less than butterflies..."

And don't worry darlings, it's not like I've given up on true love or anything...but for now, let's enjoy the springtime, shall we?

Until next week...

Is that all there is?

Is that all there is?

If that's all there is my friends, than let's keep dancing

Let's break the out booze and have a ball

If that's all, there is

~ Peggy Lee 

Paradise Island.

Mama's got a headache.
Too little sleep, too much wine and way too many laughs...
Here we go again.

In the midst of mine and K's "I've given up on men" conversations, I got this email from a twitter friend last night: 
"You had tweeted something to me about dating recently - how goes it!?! I hear NY is a Dater's paradise."
(He was responding to this blog.)

Paradise: land, feeling of great pleasure; absence of evil.

In New York City, the seeking of "great pleasure" is the reason we get out of bed at all!
The pursuit of fashion, alcohol, drugs, caffeine, sex (and more sex!) is the fuel to our fire. 
Carrie Bradshaw wasn't kidding around.

What Carrie and the girls DIDN'T have to deal with tho, was text-messaging.
(Can you imagine how much more Samantha would have gotten laid if they had?!)

Over the past few weeks, I've been invited out last minute and surprised (at work) by my growing number of boyfriends.  Last night was no exception. 
I was beckoned to "come over and cuddle" after a 14 hour shift at the bar. 
As tempted as I was, what I REALLY needed was a cocktail and a shower.

K and I agonized over what my next move/response should be (with shrieks of laughter) for an hour.  (Meanwhile, we had to deal with her romantic situation involving a man who asked only to be referred to as "that Jew from Brooklyn.")

In my attempt to sound coy and flirty, I sent him a message that made no sense (I forgot to add a word) and he responded asking if I was questioning his underwear. 
And the hits just keep on coming.

The problem with text messaging is that it while it allows for spontaneous planning - what it DOESN'T do is wash your hair provide you with fresh clothes. 
(It did however, hook us up with PLENTY of laughter.  An ab exercise of hysterics.)

In the end, I didn't make it over to his place.
I was far too busy enjoying my friends.
(Bonus: ended up meeting someone new in the process)

May the year of fun continue.

Until next week...

I'm not ruling you out
I'm just in doubt

As to what you say you're all about
~ Amy Winehouse