Native New Yorker

On September 11 2001, I was staying with my friend Jodi, in Brooklyn.

While I have put most of that day, and weeks that followed out of my mind (I have an excellent memory so I choose to forget) I do remember the chaos, the phones not working and speaking to family and friends around the world through MSN messenger.

There were no facebook status updates to reassure loved ones back then.
(Funny how we take that for granted now.)
I remember that I had trained as a bartender at the Marriott Hotel the week prior, in a building that came down with the towers.  (Jo was supposed to work there that day.)

With fashion week happening and a Michael Jackson special being filmed for CBS, it seemed as though EVERYBODY was in town.  (In fact, I had spent the evening of September 10 riding around in a limo with a guy claiming to be MJ's cousin!)  I came crawling home at 4-5am and just a few hours later, my cell phone (still working at the time) began ringing off the hook. 

My phone was plugged in in the living room, and I'll never forget when I stumbled out to get it, I caught a glimpse through the window and thought "What a beautiful day."
God.
I will never forget that clear dark blue sky. 
Ever.

I remember not going anywhere for days...we had food, wine, and a TV that was barely working.
My mom called and said she put money into my account so that I could book a ticket home the minute the airports were running again.
Absolutely not.

Like Jodi (originally from Pittsburgh) said, "Our parents don't think we should be here anyway, so of course they want us to leave now!  And besides, where are Native New Yorkers going to move to??"
She was right. 
They weren't leaving, and neither were we.

I don't know what brings about this New York hard-headedness.
We dig our heels in knowing it's more expensive than anywhere else, and don't get me started on the rats and roaches. 
Like my friend Kory said, "We've lived everywhere else, those places suck, and so do those people."
I died laughing.

While I have a hard time accepting that New York is becoming increasingly for the rich only, and that the artists who once flocked here will have to go somewhere more affordable (Detroit?) I will say this:
I've never been anywhere else that gives you the feeling of "anything is possible."
And it IS.

Success has just as much to do with geography as it does with hard work and connections.
That's the secret that nobody tells you.
And while I'm certainly no millionaire, struggling has never stopped me from dreaming bigger.
In fact, it's only made me work harder.

As any New Yorker will tell you; you have to have the balls to make that move in the first place - and God help you once you decide "This is where I'm staying, no matter HOW many times I'm knocked down."
I don't think I know anyone creative that hasn't expressed their art in some capacity here.

Like my bff Drew and I explained to his mom:
"Everything is easy in New York.  Except Life itself."
I believe it was fashion icon Oscar De La Renta said that, everyone who moves here, "Becomes a New Yorker eventually..."

I'd like to dedicate this blog to the "Native" New Yorkers.
The Lovers.  The Fighters.  The Dreamers.
And especially to those who lost somebody on September 11, 2001.
We're in this together.

Runnin' pretty, New York City Girl,
twenty five, thirty five 

Hello baby, New York City Girl

You grew up riding the subways, running with people

Up in Harlem, down on Broadway 

You're no tramp but you're no lady

Talkin' that street talk,

You're the heart and soul of New York City

 

And love, love is just a passing word

It's the thought you had, in a taxi cab

That got left on the curb...

When he dropped you off, at east 83rd...

 

Oh oh oh

(Oh oh oh)

You're a Native New Yorker...

~ Odyssey

Now or Never

Hi Dolls,

I know it's been over a week since I last wrote.
I enjoyed a 2 day Thanksgiving respite with some of my favorite people... doing nothing never felt so good.     
Now I know why they say in order to work, (or create) you need to "play."

Speaking of work, I have some news.
2 years after of shooting our TV pilot "My Friends Think I'm Funny" we have decided to bring the show to the World Wide Web. 
Thank God for modern technology.

Sure the show was well-received by the networks, but a good idea is a good idea - and when there's a will, there's a way. 
A TV show on the web?
That must be so easy, right?

Fat bloody chance.
I spend more time online than I do in front of the telly (who doesn't these days?) simply because it's more entertaining. 
This is the world we live in now.

Thanks to Walter Latham, Issa Rae, Larry King (by way of Ora TV,) and a whole HEAP of others -people are flocking to the net.
They tune in weekly (or nightly/monthly) for their favorite shows like it's "Seinfeld" "Friends" or "Cosby."

Don't get me wrong, as a writer and producer I thought "well if we put it online it'll be cheap and easy!"  Then I actually sat through "The mis-adventures of an Awkward Black Girl," "Laps," "Black Friday" and "Shadazzle." (No not the cleaning product! A fantastic web-series from the UK)

I recently read that Shadazzle was TWO years in the making - how could I compete with that?
But then I realized that's in the UK...in NYC time that translates into about 6 weeks. 
And technically, our show's been kicking around for that long too. 
But man, the competition is strong.

Not the competition, the STANDARD. 

Perhaps Walter and Issa can take a long vacation (or retire completley) so that the rest of us can catch up?  I'm kidding.  The blog Mr. Latham asked me to write a few months back is on one of my most-read posts to date.  It can be seen here http://blackcatbaby-imjustsayin.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-king-and-i.html and he was kind enough to put me on his channel as well.

Anyway.
As a believer that there's "enough for everybody," I look forward to working along-side some very talented and funny people.  They continue to inspire me as a writer, producer and for "My Friends Think I'm Funny," an actor.

 Here's a link to the trailer...wish me luck !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFzHIv_Lt1A

Until next week....

Never say you can't do it till you try it first.

~ Jadakiss 

A Place of Yes

It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret 

~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee

Sup,

I am currently reading "A Place of Yes - 10 Rules for getting everything you want out of life" by Bethenny Frankel.  I already knew who Bethenny was but had never watched any of her shows. (Surprising since I watch other cities from the "Real Housewives" franchise, I just never got around to New York - and I live here!)

About a year ago, my friend Matt (aka Dr. Feelgood) told me that Bethenny was the biggest "winner" of all the reality TV stars with the her Skinny Girl Cocktails.  REALLY?  How could I have missed this?  (That's the thing about being a New Yorker - the Pope could be standing in front of you and you'd be too busy texting or hailing a cab to notice.)

I came across her show "Bethenny Ever After" earlier this year by accident, and could not look away.

I totally see why she got her own spin-off series, she's hilarious.  You can tell that she's being herself - even if it is hammed up for TV.  (Say what you want about the Kardashians, they're playing themselves so well that you can't help but watch.  Of course, famous husbands/boyfriends/step-dads don't hurt either)

On her new talk show, Bethenny featured a guest who changed her life thanks to "A Place of Yes" so I thought I'd give it a shot too.

My sister and I were going to read the book together.  But conflicting schedules and different cities make it difficult to talk as much.  And if I've learned one thing from the school-of-hard-knocks - it's never wait on somebody else when YOU are ready to move forward with your life.  (Or in my case, always impatient to move forward!)

I included the quote at the top of this post because I always felt that not preparing better was my main regret in life.  But can you really plan when you are creating a life in "unknown" territory?  When my parents decided to leave Cape Town and relocate us to Toronto - they never thought that one day apartheid would end.  All they knew was that there are better opportunities for us and our family NOW, so they hit the road praying that it would all work out.

And it did.

I studied acting and film production in school - if that's not a career path of unpredictability, I don't know what is.  It's not like I studied law with dreams of becoming a politician or a judge.  (God I could never stay in school that long!)  All I REALLY wanted to do was become a grown up and work.  (I mean, I'm sure when my parents immigrated they had hoped for a lawyer in the family, but at the very least, they set us up so that we could decide for ourselves.) 

Which brings me back to Bethheny. 

While I'm still in the beginning stages of the book (chapter # 3 "Act on it") I've decided to cut myself some slack for not having everything so "mapped out" and prepared in my life.  I am where I am today because when things fell apart, I kept moving forward. 
Because I had to.

There is something to be said for being a risk taker and going it alone.  I have always admired people like that, and so I became one.  (Of course, anyone that "makes it" in life never REALLY did it alone.
I've had bosses that gave me a shot and multiple loans from my parents to be thankful for.)  Like my cousin Hamilton said to me when I left Toronto for New York, "All you're doing is exactly what our parents did.  You moved somewhere for a better opportunity."

He's right.

If I hadn't struggled early, I wouldn't have had the courage to risk struggling again for a more fulfilling present and future.  I may not be sitting on a pile of cash (yet) but I have 3 projects on the go and have a friend designing my logo for blackcatbaby.com (thanks Jill!) launching next year.

While I still cry all the time for my cousin Alison who died too soon, I am using my creative endeavours to honor her memory. 
Because I want to. 

Until next week...

And when my life is over

Remember we were together

We were alone and I was singing this song for you

~ Donny Hathaway/Amy Winehouse



  



  



 

Much ado about Everything

Dolls,

There is this nagging feeling that something needs to change.
If you've been following this blog over the last few months than you know something already has.  Our family suffered a devastating loss and we are all still recovering from it.
Or at least trying to.

I've come to the conclusion that there is no making "sense" of the fact that my cousin lost his beautiful daughter - or that she was chosen to suffer from an illness the last 5 years of her life.
I do know that it makes me sad.
And I doubt that there will come a time when it won't.

In my own life, I feel "stuck" emotionally and physically.
I twisted my ankle recently and am unable to exercise...between that and 'grief eating' the weight gain is noticeable.  It's just where I'm at right now.
I make no excuses.

I once read that when we don't want to be vulnerable, we will 'develop' a layer of fat to protect ourselves from being hurt.
Interesting.
Before Alison passed away, 2012 was on it's way to becoming one of the best years ever.
I was traveling, dating, drinking, dancing.

I'm almost embarrassed by my blogs prior to that fateful phone call.
But that's how it was then - and at the very least, I was making the most of my life.
Or so I thought.
I've realized something; somewhere along the way I stopped Dreaming Big.

What happened to my ambition?
Did it get lost in day-to-day life?

I was never "just" a dreamer.
I always to managed to somehow forge ahead and walk the talk.
(That's why the extra pounds ain't bothering me, I'll lose it, watch me.)
I remember when an old friend (also named Alison) counted the qualities in her friends that she most admired - mine was loyalty and ambition.

The problem is that loyalty always came first - and I spent much of my life trying to rescue people who couldn't even help themselves.  Or didn't want to.
As a result, my own needs were swallowed.
My NY Mom, Deb, said it best;
"If I were to die, you would take the day off work to come to my funeral - but you can't be there for me when I'm alive?"
Bingo.

In many ways, I'm not only mourning a loss, I'm mourning the old Me.
And the people that I used to know.

It's not about being cold and callus.
It's about being clear.
Or, as an email sent to me by my real mom said; surrounding yourself with "those who add and multiply making you more than you are - not those who subtract and divide, thereby devaluing you."

SIGH.

I was messaging with my cousin Kiana the other night and it was such an important conversation for us both.  I don't know HOW her and her sister have managed to hold it together in the wake of Alison's death, but they have.  She told me that Alison wanted to become a social worker.  Through my tears, I replied, "She IS a social worker.  She brought the family closer together, and in a strange way has us reevaluating our own lives as we know it."

It's true.
Some decisions have to be made - I can't avoid them forever.
In the meantime, I'll allow myself time to heal.
Physically and emotionally.

Until next week -xo-

Lady picture show

She hides behind the bedroom door

Lady picture show

She  hides behind the bedroom wall

She hides because she don't know nothin'

Don't know nothin' anymore

She keeps a funny face it's locked and bagged

It's just outside the door

She doesn't know her name

She doesn't know her face

She doesn't know her name

She doesn't know her face

~ Stone Temple Pilots

The King and I

There comes a time in your life when you take a leap of faith and just jump.  Sometimes it happens because the next step is obvious; you graduate because school is finished.  Most of the time though, we jump simply because we have to.  Unaware of what the future holds, we surge ahead and pray like hell.

In fact, I've "started over" so often, that I'm almost embarrassed by how long I lamented on my decision was to come back to New York.  For better or worse, trusting my gut has become second nature.  I've walked away from jobs (when I needed the money) and relationships all on the instinct that I simply deserved better.

The economy has also forced many of us to start over - whether we or wanted to or not.
This is after all, this is the second recession in my lifetime (does that make me generation X or Y?  I never know.  Mom?) so resourcefulness is a must.  It is times like these that we choose to be a leader or a victim.

The best part of uncertainty?  If all else fails, we can create something.

Which bring me to my subject of today's blog: The "King" of Comedy, Walter Latham.
Never heard of him?
Well, chances are you've heard of some people whose careers he helped launch: Chris Tucker, Bernie Mac, Steve Harvey D.L. Hughley, Tyler Perry, Cedric the Entertainer and the list goes on...

A brief history; In 1997 Mr. Latham launched the "Kings of Comedy" tour featuring Bernie Mac Steve Harvey, Cedric the Entertainer and later adding D.L. Hughley.  It was a massive success.  So much so, that it went on to become a movie directed by Spike Lee and produced by MTV films.  That was only the beginning...he went on to produce more shows "The Queens of comedy" starring Mo'Nique and the "Latin Kings of comedy" with Paul Rodriguez.

Seriously, the guy doesn't stop.

Not surprisingly, Mr. Latham originates from Brooklyn New York...and like the city itself he rarely sleeps.
Whenever I ask him how he's doing, his response is always the same; " Tired.  How are you?"
Did I mention he's also a loving father and handsome?
(I know)
But wait, there's more!

Always the innovator, he is now the proud owner of his own YouTube channel. (youtube.com/walterlatham)
Launched earlier this year, when asked what his "realistic ambition" was for the channel, he responded "...in 30 years from now, we will be looked at as the better version of BET - but on the internet."
Snap.

As brazen as that sounds - he may be on to something.

Having grown up in Canada, it was BET that introduced me to many of the comics seen on Latham's channel now, like Michael Blackson.  Blackson has a weekly show called "Black Fridays" on the site and he is hysterical.  The guy is fearless.  There's another show called "Comedy After Dark" featuring up and coming comics, taped at strip club and hosted by Jenna Jameson!

A spokesperson at YouTube had this to say:  "YouTube has long been a place where people come for a laugh, and with new, and original programming from established personalities like Walter Latham, people can find even more content they enjoy, and creators can gain a fast loyal audience in return."

My favorite thing about the channel?
The fact that Latham is responsible for what he puts online and takes his influence on the younger generation seriously.  Every Sunday, he posts a video from his "Relentless" series.  He asks friends and colleagues to speak about their life experiences "to give back to our community if only in this small way."

My video for the series went up last week, and can be seen at the bottom of this post.
Mr. Latham asked me to record at a time when I NEVER would have considered going on camera.  Our family had just suffered the tragic loss of my cousin Alison, and a few weeks after that, my aunt passed away.  I had every intention of saying no, or at least postponing until I felt "better."

But I thought of Alison (only 16 when she died) and her devastated friends who might need some guidance, and I hope I was able to provide something that could help.
If I can say anything to you guys reading this now, it's just to keep going.

Walter, thank you for reaching out to me.
Best of luck with everything.
www.youtube.com/walterlatham

Below is the link to my video, enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvurasmW6Kc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I move onward, the only direction

~ Jay Z

Careless Whisper

Hi Darlings,

Wanna know how fast New York City is?
My last blog post was only seven days ago - and I'm trying to think of which man, (or men) I was upset with!

I suppose that's why I love it here so much.  

No matter how tough it gets...there really isn't time to sit around moping, there's too much to do!

Which inspires me to make this public service announcement:

To those of you who've known me a long time, please don't think that I lack empathy when it comes to your problems and life's dramas.  It's just that I put myself in a city and situation that doesn't work when sitting around wallowing. It's a struggle EVERY day to look up and stay positive, and I'm doing it on my own.  I take FULL responsibility for the choices I've made.  

It's not easy, I just make it look that way.

Having said all that - I wouldn't have it any other way.

All the tears shed in 2011 has made 2012 so much sweeter. 

I see why it's important to count your blessings, because trust me, I'm grateful.    

The disappointments and heartache of one minute - can lead sweet appreciation the next.

Or it can harden your soul to the core.

As my dear friend K reminded the other day, it's a GOOD thing I've been let down by so many people (ha!) because as I result I've developed a "devil-may-care" attitude.

Oh how I love that saying...

If "Is That All There Is" is my theme song for 2012 - then honey, "Devil-may-care" is my phrase.

Definition: "Cheerfully Irresponsible," "Happy-go-lucky" and my personal favorite, "Careless with his money."

I woke up this morning thinking about how this is the most "stable" I've been in a long time.  Certainly since I've lived here.  

Don't get me wrong I'm not complacent, nor will I ever be - I'm far too ambitious for that.

Is this why they say it takes "years" to become an overnight success?

With my theme song and motto in tact, you could say it took years to become Holly Golightly!

Audrey Hepburn's portrayal of Holly in "Breakfast At Tiffany's" changed my life.

(I mean, how could I NOT want to live in Manhattan after seeing that?)

There she was, a beautiful woman who kept her wits about her despite bad dates and poor choices.

She refused to receive news about being dumped until she had her lipstick on (sound familiar?)

But that's not why I got Holly.

I related to her loneliness and vulnerability.

She moved to New York and became someone else in order to survive.

With her small frame and lipsticked smile, you'd never know the strength that lied within.

In short, she made it look easy.

Until next week lovelies...

And this the life we chose 

Working all night 

Swear I'm never going broke

And  I'm-a  do this till I die

And I ain't talkin' sh*t

Just 'cause  I'm, just 'cause I'm...

(I'm high)

~ Chris Brown

 

   

  

The Silver Standard?

It's funny where Life takes us.
I've been so busy concentrating on the "fun" intentions of 2012, that I've almost missed some of the lessons.
Almost.

Well, the first quarter has now come and gone and I can proudly say that I'm letting myself out of the bubble I've been living in.
I'm not avoiding the news anymore - and yes, I'm taking your phone calls.
I'm ready to return to reality.
(Miami IS just a plane ride away)

There's more.
I'm trading up.

There's something to be said about complaining.
Some people do it just to hear the sound of their own voice, while others do it to join in on the conversation.
Nobody likes being left out after all.

And then, there's the rest of us.
We know that something's wrong, and something must be done to correct it.

So many of us were raised to put others first.
Our parents, our siblings our friends, our lovers.
I'm not talking about the 'Christian way' of showing compassion towards our fellow man either.
I'm talking about the habitual pattern of being second best.

Author Julia Cameron deems it "nonsense" that certain people never made it because of lack of talent.
Most of us never had the ego strength required to hunt for that that gold medal.
We were too busy jumping at the chance to help everybody else.
Like my cousin gently reminded me at dinner one night, "But Lauren, YOU need support too."

Show me a family where one child is raised to be the caretaker - and more often than not, you'll find one of it's members raising hell.
Unapologetically.
That's just the way it goes.

The GOOD news?
Adulthood provides us with choice.
We can change a habit and create a new one.
Not just in our expectations of ourselves - but in the way we allow people to treat us.
It's not too late.

Back to fun next week, I promise.

It's my turn

To start from number one

Trying to undo

Some damage that's been done

But now it's my turn

To reach and touch the sky

No one's gonna say

At least I didn't try

~ Diana Ross

Spring Cleaning.

Well, It's here.
My birthday week.

March 1st usually greets me JUST as I'm slipping out of my long winter's coma...
It's like God leans down and whispers:
"It's OK to come outside now - your friends want to see you...Don't worry, spring is coming like it always does."

This year it's different.
I'm heading south.
That's right darlings, a much-needed (and deserved) vacation in Florida awaits.
North Beach.  South Beach.  Fort Lauderdale.
Anywhere the wind takes me.

Naturally I'm giddy with anticipation.
Not only will I be relaxing in the sun, I'll be re-connecting with my friends who live there.
Sweet.

The lead up hasn't been easy though.
Two weeks ago I began a 'cleanse' that came with protein shakes, vitamins, and tough diet restrictions.
No alcohol, coffee, red meat, or dairy.
Four of the days days (tho not in a row) are liquids only.
Ouch.

While shedding a few pounds is a bonus for any beach vacation, it was high time for a detox.
Was red wine becoming a bad habit?
Yes.
Had it been this way for a while?
Yes.

The line between a socializing and alcoholism is a fine one in New York City, and if you work at a bar, that line doesn't exit.
It was time to check myself.

Not surprisingly, I'm hungry.
But for much more than just food.
I find myself dreaming bigger than I have in a long time.

Maybe my worst habit of all has been settling for less.
Did I mention I gave up the phrase "I can't" for Lent?
I also gave up junk food.
The best news is, not only am I feeling like my old self again - I'm starting to look that way too.

More on that later.
It's time to pack.

Until next week my loves....

This feeling can't be beat

It's coursing through my whole bod-y

Feel the heat

~ Madonna