Sexes & The City.

I would rather be a beggar and single than married and Queen.

~ Queen Elizabeth 1533-1603 (aka the Virgin Queen) 

Lovelies Hello!

My apologies for the 2 week blog break.

It was not my intention but work as has been hectic.

More than anything tho, I was taking a break from myself.

You know when you're going through the motions, eating whatever and not working out?

That's pretty much what I've been doing - and working 6-7 days a week. 

I always view it like I'm "skimming the surface" so-to-speak, no writing or deep thought, just getting through it.

In doing so, I came across an article by Rebecca Traister in June's Marie Claire magazine - called "Love and the Single Girl."  In it, Traister talks about the rise of the unmarried woman.  Single women have been getting a lot of press lately.  Some good, some bad, some political.  But for most us, it's just life as usual.

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/single-girl-trend?click=main_sr

For those of you who follow this blog - you are aware of the bad dates, the 'champagne campaigns,' and of course The Miami.  I make no claims of singlehood being easy, nor do I hide the fact that (for the most part) I'm having the time of my life.  JUST when I start to feel "amiss" as to why I can't seem to "settle down already" an article like this comes along and makes it all better.

Or does it?

I believe it was my last blog (or was it the one before?) I had mentioned my crush on a certain football player that gave me butterflies for the first time in ages...

Well, that son-of-a-bitch stood me up recently (no explanation, no apology) and I cut him off.  Was I too harsh?  Or was I smart enough to know that forgiving him would have set the stage for future disappointment?  More than likely, the latter.

I say this because, it came to my attention recently that not one, but TWO close friends had been in near-violent altercations with their (now ex) boyfriends.  I was horrified.  I know in both situations these men had showed ugly sides of themselves before, and still my friends stayed.

Not only are these women smart and beautiful (and career driven, and independent) they are also what I consider my "free-spirit" friends.  You know, the people that you go to when you need to be encouraged but still offer advice deeply rooted in reality?  I don't think I even need to tell you that they 'knew better' than to be treated like this.  

Both come from loving homes with good fathers.  Like the wise women they are, they are moving forward like champions.  They are survivors.      

I can give many MANY more examples of poor treatment and settling that have been done by all of us, God knows I've made some mistakes.  But I was smart enough not to marry it.  (Thankfully so were they.)

Flirting with Danger is fun, I've done it.  It keeps life interesting.

Hell, even sex with Danger is a thrill - but I ain't making a life with him, or putting up with his abusive bullshit.

I've been through too much to lower my standards now.

I'd like to thank Marie Claire and Rebecca Traister for an article that made me feel like I'm part of a movement rooted in independence and self-worth.  It's much better than "spinster" and "selfish."  Like my friend and acting teacher Richard McKenna told me years ago "it's just as important to know what you DON'T want as it is to know what you do."

If I know that I don't want to be with someone who makes me feel guilty for being who I am, or (FOR FUCK'S SAKE) threatens to hit me - then so be it.  

If this post is longer and more serious in tone that the others it's because I'm aware of how many YOUNG women are reading.

And I take that position seriously. 

I owe it to you girls - but most importantly, you owe it to yourselves.

I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get

Ladies it ain't easy being independent

~ Destiny's Child

Careless Whisper

Hi Darlings,

Wanna know how fast New York City is?
My last blog post was only seven days ago - and I'm trying to think of which man, (or men) I was upset with!

I suppose that's why I love it here so much.  

No matter how tough it gets...there really isn't time to sit around moping, there's too much to do!

Which inspires me to make this public service announcement:

To those of you who've known me a long time, please don't think that I lack empathy when it comes to your problems and life's dramas.  It's just that I put myself in a city and situation that doesn't work when sitting around wallowing. It's a struggle EVERY day to look up and stay positive, and I'm doing it on my own.  I take FULL responsibility for the choices I've made.  

It's not easy, I just make it look that way.

Having said all that - I wouldn't have it any other way.

All the tears shed in 2011 has made 2012 so much sweeter. 

I see why it's important to count your blessings, because trust me, I'm grateful.    

The disappointments and heartache of one minute - can lead sweet appreciation the next.

Or it can harden your soul to the core.

As my dear friend K reminded the other day, it's a GOOD thing I've been let down by so many people (ha!) because as I result I've developed a "devil-may-care" attitude.

Oh how I love that saying...

If "Is That All There Is" is my theme song for 2012 - then honey, "Devil-may-care" is my phrase.

Definition: "Cheerfully Irresponsible," "Happy-go-lucky" and my personal favorite, "Careless with his money."

I woke up this morning thinking about how this is the most "stable" I've been in a long time.  Certainly since I've lived here.  

Don't get me wrong I'm not complacent, nor will I ever be - I'm far too ambitious for that.

Is this why they say it takes "years" to become an overnight success?

With my theme song and motto in tact, you could say it took years to become Holly Golightly!

Audrey Hepburn's portrayal of Holly in "Breakfast At Tiffany's" changed my life.

(I mean, how could I NOT want to live in Manhattan after seeing that?)

There she was, a beautiful woman who kept her wits about her despite bad dates and poor choices.

She refused to receive news about being dumped until she had her lipstick on (sound familiar?)

But that's not why I got Holly.

I related to her loneliness and vulnerability.

She moved to New York and became someone else in order to survive.

With her small frame and lipsticked smile, you'd never know the strength that lied within.

In short, she made it look easy.

Until next week lovelies...

And this the life we chose 

Working all night 

Swear I'm never going broke

And  I'm-a  do this till I die

And I ain't talkin' sh*t

Just 'cause  I'm, just 'cause I'm...

(I'm high)

~ Chris Brown